Cafe 1001

Cafe 1001, 1 Dray Walk, 91 Brick Lane, E1 6QL

I can't decide weather this place stinks more of piss or shit? Perhaps both in equal measure. Even during a midweek lunch this place looked like it had seen better days. It was so rank that not even the cockroaches I saw in the cafe (no I don't mean Pete Doherty) did not dare to enter! I was literally scared for my sexual health when unsheathing my organs. I have never heard of anyone catching hep C whilst pinching a loaf but Im pretty sure you could have picked up a few tropical diseases on this pan.

3/10

Liverpool Street Station

Liverpool Street Station, City of London, EC2M 7QH

Another pay as you poo toilet. 30p in this instance which is fairly reasonable considering that there is still a staggering number of people who cannot aim and lack basic hygiene and toilet manners and thus this latrine requires a dedicated team of piss scrubbers and bowl wipers. Some have even been know to man the toll gate to stop the odd trendy and city boy who thinks they are above mere mortals and such should not pay to enter. Most of the cubicle locks are of dubious functionality but luckily you can be distracted of this by the scrawling of peoples allegiances to various football clubs and offers of bum love.

6/10